From the beginning of my pregnancy, I've been a pretty open book. I haven't exactly hidden the fact that the "future mom" role is not one that fits me. And I haven't once pretended that I'm not scared shitless about this entire process.
Through every stage of disbelief, doubt and anxiety, I've been honest. I derive comfort from laying it all out there. Despite the fact that these things are rarely verbalized, I know I can't be the only woman who feels this way. Not only that, but vocalizing my concerns, helps them to appear less like the scary monsters in my head that I make them out to be.
Through every stage of disbelief, doubt and anxiety, I've been honest. I derive comfort from laying it all out there. Despite the fact that these things are rarely verbalized, I know I can't be the only woman who feels this way. Not only that, but vocalizing my concerns, helps them to appear less like the scary monsters in my head that I make them out to be.
So, if I'm being honest, these are some of the things I'm afraid of...
I'm afraid I won't be able to withstand the pain of labor. The best I can explain my desire to have a natural birth, is that the realities of unnecessary medical interventions, and surgery, and needles in my spine frightens me much more than a natural pain. But what if I just can't do it?
I'm afraid I won't love my baby right away. I don't love my baby. There, I said it. I don't have feelings of love yet. My relationship with my future child is that of a parasite and host. I have hope that when I finally do meet him, these feelings will change. But I'm scared it will take awhile to reach that point.
I'm afraid my relationship with my husband will change. Chuck is my best friend. We are young, silly, and totally in love. I'm scared that the stress of parenthood will change what a great relationship we have.
I'm afraid I will never sleep again. Okay, I acknowledge that this one is seemingly trivial, But seriously, I require a lot of sleep. 9-10 hours is sufficient for me and I am seriously concerned that I will cease functioning when subjected to the new Mommy sleep regimen.
I'm afraid that working full-time will create a distance between my baby and me. If I had a choice, I would probably choose to stay home longer with my baby, but it's just not financially feasible for us. Even so, I know that I could never do the stay-at-home-mom gig. My career is too important to me and I don't think I would be the best mom I could be if I gave up a job I loved. All that being said, I do worry that my working will somehow negatively impact my relationship with my son.
I'm afraid my baby will love someone more than me. This is a consequence of me working full-time. Because Baby Pep will be spending most of his time with someone other than his Mama, I'm really scared that he'll grow to love someone else as the maternal figure he lacks in me.
I'm afraid my sex life will never be the same. I don't know what I'm expecting, but I would like for my lady bits to stay intact.
I'm afraid I won't recognize my baby. I can't picture what my baby will look like. And I wonder if when I finally do lay eyes on him for the first time, whether something will finally click, or if he'll still just look like a stranger to me.
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Do you have pregnancy fears of your own?
If you're a Mama, what were your fears prior to giving birth (or adopting)?