18 Weeks (and Finally Caught Up!)

Baby Pep,

Well, your Mama has been begging you to show yourself and you certainly answered. I woke up Saturday morning and- BOOM! There you were! It's funny to see the picture your Daddy took of me because I don't look that big, but man, do I feel like it. There's no sucking this belly in!

Your Daddy and I just wrapped up a terrific weekend- we rearranged our bedroom, organized the house, went to Church (for the first time in ages- your parents are clearly heathens), went to my company picnic and then had a family dinner with the Stuckerts. At the picnic, one of my co-workers asked me about what she had seen on Facebook, to which I replied, "That I'm knocked up?! Yup!" I feel like I'm coming off the wrong way when I talk about our news. What is meant to be humor to cover up my fear and insecurities, is being perceived as callous and uncaring. I don't want people to think I'm going to be a terrible mother, or worse yet, that I just don't care. But it's hard to seriously say the words, "I'm pregnant," because it makes it so much more real. And I'm scared that if I don't beat someone to the punchline, they're going to figure out just how un-maternal and inadequate I actually am. 

I tell ya, the physical side of this pregnancy has been a breeze. But the mental and psychological adjustments I've been forced to make have been no walk in the park.

Baby Pep, I admit that life with me will probably not be perfect. I'm going to be cranky when you keep me up at night. And I can't guarantee that I'll handle birthday parties with 10 of your friends well at all (groups of children are among my greatest fears!), but I promise that I'm going to love you, because you're ours. I love and cherish your Daddy so much and I can't wait to show you that same love.

Love,

Mommy