I Went to Counseling Last Night

Not because I'm depressed. Not because I have no one to talk to. Not even because I wanted to take advantage of my health insurance while I still have it.

But because I genuinely believe in counseling. And because I genuinely needed help sorting out my thoughts. I didn't go in with an agenda. I had no pre-rehearsed diatribes. I went because I wanted a sound board. 

I wanted someone who I could word vomit all over without being emotionally compromised by their response. I wanted someone who I knew I couldn't hurt and who wouldn't unintentionally hurt me. I wanted someone who could enable me to dissect the fears, the apprehension, the stress and the worry. So I made an appointment. And last night, I went to counseling.

Post-appointment bliss.

At the end of our appointment she asked me to summarize our time together in one word. I chose the word relief.

I feel relief in knowing that one day our finances won't be this abysmal. Maybe not tomorrow, or the next day, but some day.

I feel relief in knowing that the social anxiety I've developed over the last two years of living alone in Pittsburgh may soon come to pass as my friends and family in Ohio eagerly await our arrival.

I feel relief in knowing that I have no reason to distrust Chuck's devotion to our marriage and shouldn't until he were to prove otherwise.

I feel relief in knowing that all of my jobs thus far have been aiding in my growth as a professional and slowly leading me toward my dream job.

I feel relief in knowing I am a valuable employee.

I feel relief in knowing that although there are so many stressful things outside of my control right now, they are exactly that: outside of my control.

I feel relief as I give my fears and anxieties over to God.