Is it possible to throw a wedding that isn't...superficial?!
That's what I'm trying to find out. As everyone knows I spent four months in Uganda. Not a jaw-dropping, earth-shattering, impressive amount of time. But enough for me to gain a sense of the plight of the world's poor in stark contrast to my own vast wealth and affluence. So in planning my wedding and looking at bridal gowns that cost the equivalent of my host Papa's yearly salary-I'm really struggling.
Neither the hubby or I are particularly keen on being the center of attention. Nor are we exactly "high maintenance" people. I never grew up picturing what my wedding dress would look like. I never even pictured who my groom would be. I honestly didn't really picture a wedding at all until Chuck entered my life. And even then, it wasn't the wedding I was thinking about, it was the marriage.
It's so easy to become swept up into the details of what our consumerist culture suggests a wedding should be. I seriously dislike wedding planning. I've tried to get in the spirit by becoming a Pinterest troll, but the truth of the matter is, I don't want a "wedding" as I believe our society defines it. I want to be outside, surrounded by the beauty of God's creation and testify to the love God has blessed me with. But most importantly, I want to be united with my future husband and my soul mate under my Holy Father.
I don't want floral arrangements. I don't want Save-the-Dates. I certainly don't want to be in a crowd of people I've never met. I want a marriage.
Fortunately for me, my hubby-to-be wants all those same things. Which is just one of the million reasons why I am so crazy in love with him. My prayer now is that as future man-and-wife, Chuck and I might stay true to this vision; that our union might represent who we are as a couple. That we wouldn't be swayed to cater to those around us and that above all else, our irrevocable love will continue to glorify God for the rest of our days.
I strongly believe that your wedding day is about you two and simply sharing your love and happiness with those who matter most to you. The dress only matters as much as you make it, as with every other detail. This should be the one day where things are completely and totally as you would have them be. If you don't want flowers, don't have them! If you want to wear your old prom dress, do it (kinda joking on that one...haha)! This day is about YOU GUYS. Throw out tradition, throw out customs and "etiquette" and do YOU.
ReplyDeleteI also struggled with how much money was going into this one day. But do keep in mind, this day will be what you remember for the rest of your lives as the beginning of your life together. Make sure it is as you want to remember it, whether it be extravagant or simplistic. A wedding on some level is a selfish occasion and, while it may be I've just bought into our culture's lies, I believe it's ok on this one day. This is your memory you're making. Choose what YOU want it to be and do it!
Rob and I are proof that you don't need much to have a wedding. There were 7 people at our wedding. Four parents, us, and the Mayor who married us. The venue and service was free of charge. The marriage licence was $20 at the court house. Our rings were less than $50 total. We were able to have a wonderful experience on less than $100. We waited until summer to have a reception, where we invited all of our friends in family to share in music, food, and fun, at minimal cost. We had the best of both worlds and never went into debt, or regretted missing out on the big formal thing. Still happily married with two kids and we wouldn't change a thing. Just something to think about. BUT, most importantly remember... this is your day. Don't let anyone else tell you what you SHOULD do or what they would like you to do. You're the boss lady.
ReplyDeleteYou've got your head on straight, girl, and you're on the right track - make it what YOU want it to be (well, technically what you and Chuck want it to be hee hee). And you're absolutely right - it's not the wedding, it's the marriage. You 2 are beautiful, and it will be a beautiful marriage. - Ruth :)
ReplyDeleteWe were married barefoot on a beach close to our home with a small gathering of family and friends. Our family helped to make the flower arrangements and the wedding party was small. We have been happily married for 7 years and still look back on our wedding day and smile. It is important to do what you feel would be the best way to begin your life together. (stopping by from Blogaholic)
ReplyDeleteWhat you chose to do is completely up to you. Every single thing is up to you, so don't let anyone else influence what you two want for your day.
ReplyDeleteohh kaity, i can SO relate. my goodness, we have many of the same thoughts on this topic. my husband and i had a wedding. we were first married in las vegas. i did NOT want a wedding at all. you literally took the words right out of my mouth when you said you thought about marriage and NOT wedding. i say that all the time, still, to this day. my friends know how i felt. my own mother and father knew how deeply i felt about it. still, they walked beside me and walked me down to my husband. that moment meant a lot to me.
ReplyDeletethough, they have "walked with me" many a time in my life and it wasn't my dream. it was someone elses. it is a completely long story and has to do all with my mother in law (sure you can imagine) but needless to say, it was a beautiful day. i treasure that time with the ones i loved and it was fun...
BUT...i wasn't at all necessary...all the time, effort and MONEY that went into it...could have been invested in so many more wonderful things.
it really is the marriage...the bond you and your husband share. the vows you make. the intimacy of it being the two of you.
i couldn't fathom the costs of dresses either. i bought my dress at the mall...it wasn't even a wedding dress. and i kinda loved it that way.
you are such an inspiration. this post is inspiring.
i look back and i treasure our wedding photos. they are significant to me not so much bc it was our wedding day but bc it was the beginning of a new chapter...one that has brought so many raw emotions to our life and blessed us in ways we never could imagine.
okay, i'm totally rambling on your comment section...and writing a short post here hahaha
sorry :)
wishing you love and peace
so glad you shared <3
xoxo
maria
Kaity, I agree with all of the above posts. Your wedding day is about you and Chuck. It is whatever YOU TWO want it to be. PERIOD. I feel as if I've "seen it all." Loren and I had a beautiful church wedding with 250 guests. They were the 250 people (sounds ridiculous, but it's true) who were in our lives, our parents lives - the culmination of lives lived which got us to that point. Every part of the ceremony was meaningful to us and still is in one way or another. The minister, taking communion, lighting the marriage candle, my sister fainting (because she was so stressed out that we wouldn't make it and she had introduced us!), cutting the cake, having the people there who I'd known since I was 4! And then....THE PARTY, where only about 125 of those people came to my parents' house and REALLY celebrated with us. Singing, dancing, laughing, reminiscing, it was the great time Annen describes at her and Rob's reception. To this day, almost 38 years later, we still say it was the best party we ever went to. Because everyone there was someone we loved.
ReplyDeleteRob and Annen's way was SO simple, VERY unexpected and I almost missed it because they said they'd do the "formal thing" later. And then reality set in (much like it has with you) and they said, "Why?" They just wanted to have a blast with their family and friends and they did. Lonnie & Zoe's was formal, detailed, held to budget and beautiful - surely everything they wanted.
I've gone to weddings that cost over $100,000 and the marriage lasted 6 mos. I've gone to weddings that were 'mid-priced' and the marriage lasted 6 mos. I've gone to 'upper-class' and 10 people in the mayor's office much like Annen described and the marriage lasted 6 mos. My point is - you are right - IT'S ABOUT THE MARRIAGE, not what you spend or what you wear and certainly not about the stress and drama that is sure to reign the more involved it gets. It's about two people finding their soul mate and committing their lives to God in front of the people they choose to witness those vows. It's your day. Do what you want. And if anyone gives you flack over it - well, they don't have to come. ENJOY YOUR DAY and thank God that you have both found, at a very young age, the person of your dreams. Having said that....I hope we're invited!. LOL Sherry
Hi, Found you on 20SB. You can totally have a non-superficial wedding. I'm not saying small if for me (too much family for that to be an option) but budget friendly is what we're all about. Wow... those dresses you've been looking at don't seem to be normal priced... the most money I plan to spend is under $1,000 and there are plenty of dresses out there in that price range. Bottom line... even if I had a $100,000 wedding I wouldn't spend that much. Its frivolous and its all about the marriage not the wedding. Kim Kardashian is proof of that.
ReplyDeleteI had the best wedding EVER nearly 8 years ago. No fuss and didn't cost a penny and I wouldn't change a thing about it.
ReplyDeleteWe went to a park in Wimbledon, London, everyone brought a picnic, one friend made a wedding cake, another bought me a boquet, another friend set up a gorgeous arch in the park and we had a beautiful day together.
You can check out some of my wedding photos on each of these posts except the first one he he http://kingsdaughters21.blogspot.com/search/label/Marriage%20Tips
Sweetie, I barely can find the time to read my "Life Source," The Bible, let alone reading recreationally (AKA "for the fun of it"), but I did happen to run across this particular story in your blog, and I couldn't agree with you more! Annen (above) forgot to mention that she and Rob spending less than $100 on their wedding is exactly why we HAD to have a big one! Lol (just kidding, Annen; we Stuckert sis-in-laws need to "stuck" together). Nevertheless, it really is about you, Chuck and God...that's ALL. Lon and I managed to have a wedding on a dime (my dress wasn't even a wedding dress; it came from Macy's. I made all of our centerpieces, bought Zyra's flower girl dress at the Flea Market for $20!). Make it what you want; be blessed and know that you are NEVER offending us if you need to tell us all to back off and take a chill pill from any pushy wedding ideas (I'm a planner so I can get a little over zealous at times; I even had centerpieces for my Superbowl party! LOL!). With "Jesus there in between," it will be everything you could have ever hoped for and then some. Leave the details to Jesus and trust that whether you have place settings or party favors or just a $10 bubble machine from Wal-Mart, your Big Day will be His Day...His perfect will. Love ya, girl, Zoe Daisy
ReplyDelete