It's been awhile. But better late than never, right? As it is currently after 4 am and I really should be trying to sleep for work tomorrow, let me start by saying I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet. Secondly, given the time, I also apologize if this is completely incoherent.
I've had past issues with depression, and lately it's been rearing it's ugly head once again. I think a lot of it just has to do with the fact that I'm all by myself in Philly and feeling pretty lonesome most of the time. Anyway, tonight I was thinking about two things: 1. About how many acquaintances I have, in comparison to how few friends I have and 2. About how much I move around and rarely stay in one place for long. Needless to say, I also thought about the fact that I think #1 is primarily caused by #2. This was quite a revelation for me, in and of itself, but then I got to thinking that although I love a change of scenery and want to experience as much of the world as I can, I am constantly thinking of my life in terms of the future.
Stay with me while I try to explain. While I was in Uganda, my focus was on future travels, future career goals and internships for the summer. Since I've been in Philly, my focus has been on the process of entering Law School, going back to school and preparing for IJM and trying to find a part-time job for the fall. During both these times, I've been in the midst of an absolutely amazing place that a lot of people would love to have the opportunity to experience for themselves, and I was completely distracted. Realizing this has made me realize, that for once, I need to stop focusing on the future and just live and be happy in the here and now.
While I admit that it is a definite flaw in my character, I also believe that I've been socially trained to think in terms of the future rather than actually enjoying the present. As a college student especially, I feel like society is telling us that the reason you go to college in the first place is just to take that first step towards getting a job that you'll be working the rest of your life. There's very little emphasis put on the actual experience of college itself. Sure the academic piece is to be admired, but what about all the learning taking place that won't be on a mid-term? And what about all the amazing people you have the privilege of getting to know? There's so much there that's looked past because we're so accustomed to living for the future rather than 'seizing the day'!
Just some food for thought. I encourage everyone to start being happy in exactly where they are right now. And I promise, I'll be trying extra hard to practice what I preach. Because honestly, there's no point in living a life full of regrets.
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